Dear Little Lucy,
I feel like a failure. Recently a few new things appeared in my cage. I think my master is displeased by something I did. I climbed inside this shiny new contraption and it began to move. I was trapped in the shiny round thing for hours as it spun and spun. If that wasn’t enough my delicious nibbles were changed into bland pellets that smell like hay. Is my master trying to punish me? Where did my flavorful nibblets go? The worst part is I am so so curious about the shiny round thing I can’t stop myself from climbing in. I run and run for hours. What am I to do? Is this some kind of animal abuse? Please help.
One Tired Hamster
Dear One Tired Hamster,
Do not try to worry your running legs so. We domestic pets have been experiencing this for years. For some reason when our human owners go on a health kick they feel the need to make their pets suffer along with them. I think it’s because they don’t want to suffer alone. Let’s all hope this is another one of their trends that will go out of style, or we may have to skew the data at the test labs. The shiny new round thing in your cage is called a hamster wheel. Yes, I agree it looks like a torture device but with practice you can keep yourself fit. I think it’s like the exercise machine the humans call the treadmill. As for the change of food, those are probably diet pellets. I know they can’t replace your tastier nibblets but don’t worry I’m sure your master means well. Think of it this way they are trying to extend your life with these changes. They seem to think exercise and a healthier diet will make them live longer. So your master truly has good intentions by thinking the same changes in your life will have the same effect.